My mind is my biggest fear

I hate this. I know I’m depressed, I know I need help, yet I can’t get this notion out of my head that I’m bothering someone every single time. I’m having a meltdown or episode because it’s the same damn thing every time. People can see me fine, that everything is fine. well not. it seems like i'm emotionally damaged and i don't know how to fix everything. And i guess no one knows what i'm going through right now. I'm trying to be strong but i don't know how. Even my mom seems trying to pull me down.

It's like i want to sleep and never wake up. but that sounds pathetic! And sometimes I wanna just disappear, just to see who would actually care , who would cry . I really want to , but I can't because I’m afraid of being forgotten…

I want to escape from everything, but maybe all i want is someone who'll be there for me no matter what.  The thing that scares me most, is that one day someone might not be there for me when something could happen. I’m too humble to ask for help, yet I need someone here.

It’s  getting really hard to survive the days and nights. :'(