Dear heart, why him? :(

Well i know i may sound like i'm whining but i don't care.

I''ve been so tired with this redundant feelings that i always felt everyday. i really don't know how to explain this utter crap. I know its over. and my heart was almost shuttered into pieces. And what i did awhile ago makes me realize that I was such a fool. Loving him wasn't really my plan.And i never expected that i will love him like this, never even in my dreams. I'm really trying to get over with him,but how? when seeing him everyday just make me love him more. aww :((

it seems like everything i do and everything I see always reminds me of him. Even in a crowded place, its' like my eyes are searching for him.i told everyone that i'm not bitter anymore. but this sounds like one. I've been through alot on loving him,but he doesn't appreciate any of it.I really tried my best to understand everything about him, his busy lifestyle,everything! Especially the trust issues. I thought we can work this out, but  i just realize that it wasn't that easy. He's just not that really into me. 'I lost him once, and I think I can do it again. I don't have choice but i have to distance myself from him. I'm not a booty call any more. it makes me more look pathetic. Deym!

I'm not mad at him,I'm just hurt. And the fact that every time his name comes up

Or I see him, my heart sinks a little deeper each time. He don't realize what he made me go through

But I can guarantee that he can never do it again. *sigh*

Ow'em! this blog of mine is just so effin' pathetic. It seems like i'm weeping or something. I want myself to believed that somehow, he wasn't just really meant for me.

Life can be really cruel in a way that I can't explain. And I don't think if I can face some hindrances like this again. Haist! Enough said. T__T