I'm beyond insecure of myself.

Everyday, someone makes a comment about my looks, or my weight, and I feel like I just got hit by a bus. It’s the two things I’m so insecure about. The things they say make me want to just die. To just drop dead, right then and there. For once, I want to wake up, and I want to actually feel beautiful. I want to be skinny. I don’t want to be so insecure about myself.

I know there are things I can do to change, and sure, I’ve tried them, or I do them now. It’s a process though. I just hope that someday, I’ll be able to not have to worry about changing myself to make myself happy.

And just so we all know, I’m not changing for another person. I want to change for me.

Chill out Night.

Chillin' with the couple :)

Looks like i've got an enormous tummy here. PS. I'm not preggy or something. I'm just full :P

with my beloved <3

so what's with that pose :P

NO REGRETS. JUST L♥VE.

HAGGARDO VERSOZA :p

You are the reason why even at the saddest part of my life, I smile. Even at confusion, I understand. Even in betrayal, I trust. Even in fear of pain, I love. ♥

Insecurities

I am pretty much contented with how I look. But there’s just this moments that I can’t avoid on feeling insecure. Is it natural to feel this way? It should be. 

I have my own insecurities then but now, it just got worse. Knowing that I gained a lot of weight makes me feel uncomfortable with how I look. I know I’ve written posts that has the idea of “loving your figure, no matter what.” but I just can’t do that right now. Damn, Iya, Practice what you preach! 

I want to go on a diet, actually I am, but why can’t I just resist sweets? and rice too :| It’s my guilty pleasure. I should stop it. I should start loosing weight for some of my clothes doesn’t fit me anymore!

Whenever I look at my current pictures there’s a huge difference between then and now.

Yes, I admit, I am physically insecure but once I got satisfied with my weight, I swear this insecurities wouldn’t happen again.

What I love about myself is that I am insecure but I am not being a total bitch about it. I handle my insecurities in such a positive way and I guess that’s a good thing. 

RAINDROPSSSS

I stared at the window and watched the clear water  repetitively hit the misty glass. I observed how every droplet locates  its desired spot, drips and finally merges with others--just like how us human beings do.

We find a safe place, drift away from it and get lost as we blend in with the insecurities of this world.

with our cutie patootie chi chi :">

why so cuuuute? :">

Cheers to the freakin' weekend! :">

Julio's first time at far from nowhere.. Indang.

sucker for vanity,, :p

FUN.FUN.FUN

“Maybe I’m just a girl like any other”

I’m a girl just like any other. One who cries when she’s upset, and wishes to be held when she cries. A girl that laughs at stupid things, and wants others to laugh with her. Just a girl who tells you she loves you when she does, and wants to hear you say it back when you mean it..

childhooooooooood.

just saw an old photo of me and my childhood friend. catcat.  Then the day after tomorrow we met and it was unplanned. We haven't seen each other for the longest, the last time we met was 11 years ago, i guess. We had lots of kwentuhan, and we noticed that lots of changes happened. lots of evolution to us actually. haha!  So check out the old photo, i just got rid of my so vampire teeth, and cat cat, got her hair straight after her curly big hair, very kirara hair. *laugh. And good thing, her attitude doesn't change. she's still kind, very down to earth, sh'es simple yet she's so pretty. But i was shocked when she told me that she's 5 months pregnant, its a little sayang lang that she's graduating na from nursing. though she told me that she regret nothing,and the guy love her soo much, and i'm happy for her though. :) so cheers to that cat! \m/ :D

meet FRANCEska ♥

ow hi! so this is my friend's lovely cat.  not mine actually. She's so fluffeh,:))Francheska is her name but i prefer to call FRANCEska. hihi :">
 i don't know why i used the adjective lovely though she looks masungit. LOL.  I own a cat too, i named him france cause i thought she's a girl,  but people said france is a male, so i  made his name to francie nalng. corny lang. haha! anyways.. i dont like him much cause he's just a stray cat, and i find him annoying at times, he often bit my foot when he's starving. take note, ''bit'' instead of making kalmot. parang dog lang.lol. but he's sweet though. I'm not fond of cats before butI envy her (my friend) for having this cat, it seems like i want to take it home. seriously.  and i so love touchinh her fur. When i saw it i was like.. ''pwede bang iuwi ko na to?'' haha! so i'm planning to have one soon. hopefully :) 

In the future, I'll never leave you.

I’m with you now and that’s the way I want to keep it. I don’t care about all the other people out there, you’re the one I want and you’re the one I want in the future. Sure, there are people that are cuter, more nice, more fun, and even funnier, but like I said, you’re the one I want. So I’ll always have my heart dedicated to you. I’m never leaving you, not now, not later, and not in the future. So please don’t give up on us. ♥ -TUMBLR

TOKYO TOKYO madnessss!

two of the few i love to get wasted with. <3

lurve them bigtime.

anyarehhh?

He's everything ❤

Everything just happened accidentally. unexpected. but i know everything happened for so many reasons. they say when you meet the one you love you will understand why it didnt work out with anyone else.So there's this guy. who captured my heart. He's everything i'm asking for. What can i say, well.. he's the sweetest guy. everrr! he is..just soo.. amayyyyziiing! He exert lots of effort just to be with me and just to make me happy. i’m always having a blast. i just wish some dictionary word could describe how i feel towards him. i can remember vividly how i always feel everything i'm going to see him.
I just love everything about him. the way he extends his patience when i'm not in the mood, the way we argued over silly matters, the way he understands me and the love he is showing and giving me in every possible ways. So i thank God  for letting him in into my life. I consider myself lucky for having him. So what can i ask for? I don't have to ask for much because with him, i have everything. :)
I honestly didnt think we would make it at first. Sure things are hard, but he has proven to me and I have proven to myself, that I love him more than anything in the world. and that there is a reason why things didnt work out with everyone else.

Though there are lots of trials and hindrances in our relationship, I'm hoping that time will come everything will gonna be okay. Soon. ❤

this is killing me

Just had a huge fight with my mom. She’s basically telling me that I have a shitty life.

I know I’m not happy with my life, and I wish it could be different. But this is how it played out, and I can’t really stop from what’s going to happen.

But these thoughts going through my head are killing me a little everyday. I say I want a little break from life. But that can’t happen. T_T

My mind is my biggest fear

I hate this. I know I’m depressed, I know I need help, yet I can’t get this notion out of my head that I’m bothering someone every single time. I’m having a meltdown or episode because it’s the same damn thing every time. People can see me fine, that everything is fine. well not. it seems like i'm emotionally damaged and i don't know how to fix everything. And i guess no one knows what i'm going through right now. I'm trying to be strong but i don't know how. Even my mom seems trying to pull me down.

It's like i want to sleep and never wake up. but that sounds pathetic! And sometimes I wanna just disappear, just to see who would actually care , who would cry . I really want to , but I can't because I’m afraid of being forgotten…

I want to escape from everything, but maybe all i want is someone who'll be there for me no matter what.  The thing that scares me most, is that one day someone might not be there for me when something could happen. I’m too humble to ask for help, yet I need someone here.

It’s  getting really hard to survive the days and nights. :'(

the sweeetest :"> ♥

 i love watching the notebook over and over again bacause of their sweeeet moments. hihi! *insert kilig face here*

random Octowberrrrr

Paris and her side view pose

with some of Highschooool friends.  missing the old  times. sayang! we're so kulang. and BFF is not around :| 

we're maybe bad, but we're goood. anu raw? -_-

with the girlssssss

look who's texting back there. (nagsusumbong na!) Q____Q

\m/ \m/ \m/

bestest present :)

just got an awesome leopard print wedges for my birthday from this special guy. Sweeetest thing everrr. I saw it at the boutique before and i wasn't expecting that  he's going to buy it for me,  so when he hand me a paper bag thingy i was like.. "oh my ghad! para saken pala to! hahaha." *laugh He really know the things i looove and  never failed to make me smile. Thank you soo much. Love the present but most of all i love God's gift for me, and it's YOU ♥.

sweeetest thing...

People always think that when you sleep together, there’s always something that is happening in between the sheets and the bed. But let me tell you, It’s not always like that. The feeling of actually hugging each other until you fall asleep, the warmth of each other’s breath, and the total happiness in the morning when you wake up right beside them. Everything may sound so good to be true, but sometimes it takes a lot of responsibility and love to be able to be as wholesome as possible. Sleeping with your special someone is one of the most heartwarming experiences you’ll ever have. No nothing, simply hugging and smiling yourself to sleep.

true much!

"If someone really wanted you, they'd actually put some effort into trying to get your attention, and make sacrifices for you. They wouldn't just tell you they want you; they;d show you in every little way possible that they want you."

just another Sunday,,

goofin' with Jolo. <P.S he is my nephew :p

while browsing the photos, i just noticed that most of my photos has same whacky crappy faces. haha.  consistent! seriously, WTH is wrong with me? HAHA

with my favorite girl. everrrr :)

i don't wear make up lately so check out the face, paaaaaaaaale. T_T obviously..

"Money can't buy happiness." »

LOOK AT ALL THIS STUFF MONEY CAN GET ME

A camera to take pictures with.

A computer so I can go on Blogging

Electricity and internet connection so I can go on Tumblr.

A phone to text people

Food.

Pretty clothes.

Shoesssss

Lotss of shoesss. ♥

If that isn’t happiness, then I must be depressed.

Money may not be able to buy happiness, but it can buy the stuff that makes you happy!

Roses are red ♥

It's just so overwhelming to received a dozen of roses from a special guy. it made me feel like a real lady. *laugh. And it’s the first time, yah right, first time! :)) I dont know how to put my feelings into words, I'm just happy. Since the day I met him again, I haven’t been the same. My feelings I just can’t seem to tame. You know who you are. so here's to you..

Dear you, 
Thank you for everything. Thank you for making me feel special. You’re one of the kindest person I've ever met. and I consider myself lucky for having you in my life. :) you have a good heart which made me fall for you. And Yes. You’ve got me sprung. ♥

You really captured my heart with every effort you are showing me. You are very much appreciated. and i can assure you that everything and every good stuffs you’ve done to me will be all worth it. I don’t want to rush things cause I want everything to be a process. And I just want to cherish every moment when it comes to you. I don’t want you to be just another person who’ll just come and go in my life cause I wanted you to stay in purpose. We may not be together right now cause i know God has a better plan for us. But i‘m hoping someday, at the right place, right time, and right moment. You and me <3

Let’s just give it a shot! Like what you said. Haha. LOL.

 And just promise me that you will always be there standing right next to me.

I miss you and I’ll be seeing you soon ;)

Note to self,,

Everybody is going to hurt you. Everybody does, but that doesn’t mean that you need to leave all of them. It’s just for you to know who is worth the pain and who is not. Nobody is safe from getting hurt. One way or another, someone close to you is gonna break your heart, even if he/she doesn’t mean it.

Yana's day. Blasting at Laguna :)

it's yana's 69th birthday bash.. wait what? 69?seriously? haha! lol.jk. happy 23rd birthday yana dear. much love! :*

PEACE!

goofin' around with the kiddos :)

while waiting for others. tequila rose <3 wait.. so whats with the vFresh? -_-

best gay friends :)

tequila partey!

♥________________________♥