I Miss You Papa :(

Everyone loves their father and I am no exception from this. But, ask someone who has lost a parent as to what a difference it brings in life. To write about Papa is not tough. What tears my heart is to write about him in “past tense”.

We know that you have gone to a place where there’s neither pain nor suffering.But I know you are watching me always, wishing me well and I take great strength and inspiration from the fact that you will always be there for me no matter what. You will be there for me, as you have always been. I MISS YOU PAPA :(

getting used to rejection

getting rejected by someone and in anything sucks. The feeling of being rejected hurts,like yeah! some people reject other people without noticing it. I don't know how much more rejection i can take. But i think i'm getting used to it.
It happened so many times.. it just doesn’t hurt as much anymore. I guess this is God’s way of making me stronger. I’ve always been afraid of rejection whether it’s with people that I like, friends, groups,even at school … I think I’m able to handle rejection pretty easily now.. I mean, I still get upset but I don’t stay upset for too long anymore. I used to feel so lost and shut down after getting rejected.. but you know what? I know that the path I’ve decided to take will require me to have to go through many many rejections and I feel like I’ll have to be able to handle whatever comes my way. What I’ve realized is that sitting around, being upset because of a rejection, just proves to the person that rejected you that they made the right decision; all that moping around is just wasting time when you could really be improving yourself. So now, for me.. it’s going to be less sulking and more strength, acceptance, and improvement.And maybe that's part of every humans life. Life is a bitch, so learn to fvck it.

The rings.

just a few collection of my rings. <3

seriously?

I try so hard to not depress myself, but somehow, I always end up close to or in tears at the end of the day. I feel like the weight of the world is too great for me right now. There are too many thoughts racing through my mind. I just wish I could live in a place that chose everything for me: what I’m going to do for the rest of my life, who I would love, where I would end up. I’m so scared of ending up so screwed up and fucked over that I will never be happy. I feel like if someone would just say, “Iya, you are going to grow up to be a _________ and you will fall in love with ________ and live happily ever after in __________.” my life would be so much easier. All I would have to do is enjoy the present. I hate how nostalgic I can get, and I hate how much pressure society puts on kids to look and plan their future exactly.

I want to forever be able to look like a classy girl, but a badass chick.
I want to live in the most beautiful place I can find. Be it in a city, the suburbs, or the smallest town out there. I just want to be happy. Forever and always. Not the temporary little things that make anyone happy, I want to know what TRUE happiness feels like.

Just because it didn't happen doesn't mean it can't.

I hate it when people go like “oh that’s not going to happen ever, trust me, I know.” Like what the hell, there’s always a possibility so shut up.

PLAIN DRAMA!

HYPOPHRENIA- sometimes i can feel that this kind of feeling is lately happening to me. Maybe some of you guys don't know what it really mean.(free to google it!) Its happening to me specially when i'm alone. Often times when i'm on my self-pity mode. I know i'm definitely sad, but i really don't know the real reason was. And I would say that I kept on having this feeling over and over again.

Have you ever felt that way at one point of your time? I'm sure most of you have. It came, and it left, then it came again, messing up with my mind. I keep comparing myself/my life to others, get insecured all the time and some times, sulk about it which is not healthy (note to self).  Not healthy at all. I feel like life has taken me for granted, and there you go I blame life for this. 


And there goes a time were i missed myself. the old me.   not having what i want but contented and happy. so nostalgic. :|  *sigh

This is just a pure pointless nostalgic. I'm not making any sense here. sorry Q___Q

awesoooome wednesday ;)

spell HAPPINESS.lol. saya-saya nila!

thanks to jami for patiently removing my armpit hair. haha! jami! iloveyou bigtime. :)

it's awesome wednesday with awesome people. credits to Jonas for taking the photos. ;)

at Kidzworld. my phone just accidentally dropped on the pool beside me while posing. deym! i opened it and it's not working anymore. poor me! T_T

so this is cj. yana's lil' bro. i'm her tutor at that  night.haha!very smart and bubbly kiddo. love goofin' around with him :)

WEEKDAYS

no classes. non-stop kwentuhan. but why we look so bored here? LOLL

with my another sissy, Yves. Twas nice bumping into her that morning. so we took a  shots while waiting for the next class.

laboratory time. so that is our super chef. erold. the big one. LOL. good thing we're on he's group.  so petix nlang kme. haha!

we look like we're really good in cooking. but seriously we're not. *laugh*

so what can i say. it's still his consistent pose. very tyra B. LOLL. he hates to pose.like yeah!

Sometimes you have to make that decision about what is worth fighting for and what isn't worth fixing.

I really believe that not everything is worth fixing. There are things better left broken. In fact, broken things might result to something new.

Just a thought.

I’m really glad to have a Blog and twitter account. I express my everything here in my blog that I don’t normally say in personal. I am really the nicest and happiest person outside but deep inside I got some problems and issues that I am confused of and I find a hard time fixing myself. I explain how i feel using one liners in twitter and blog my heart out here.
The reason why I don’t share my problems with people is because first, it’s really awkward ‘cause I know they got issues of their own and I don’t want to add my shit up to them. Second, some people are just curious of what you’re going through and in fact, 90% of them don’t really care and they’re glad that they’re not the one experiencing your shit. I mean, I can do and solve this on my own. My blog account is always here to handle my shit. Every after I blog, I feel good. I know that it lifted some of the weights I am carrying.
Thank God they exists.

the corporate

i just realized that i really need to loss weight when i saw this photo :|

with gitrlfriend. nevermind the extra guy at the back. lollll

formal-formalan.

vendo endorser. haha! muntenge lang!

Paris at 1 :)

Belated Happy Birthday to my baby. Paris. :) me loves you! :*

It's TUESDAY at T.G.I. FRIDAY'sss

it's always Friday hereeee :))

with my favorite girlssssss

DINNER

♥_______________________♥

Jami with his ''so Tyra Bank'' pose. an'say nio :p

Ryan A. :)

Going backkk. extra gala for some shots..

cam-whoringgg

cuddle weather.

Because of my lazyness i wasn't attending my class since thursday, that's a real student!lol. and fortunately it's holiday till tuesday, so it's a long weekend for me. yay! :)) I'm loving the cold weather today. So..this is what i supposed to do during rainy days. yah right! Movie Marathon! :) i realized awhile ago, that i just stayed at my room the whole day. Just watched movies (and still watching) and had a 3 cups of coffee. So i guess no more sleep time for me. What a productive day!lol. (silly me!)

done watchin' those movies just for this day! :)

my 3rd cup of coffee. i just hate coffee! *sarcastically*

Waybackkk...

just bitch'n around with them. :) Partyin' is not really my thing, so this is my first and last night out with them.missing them tons! 

pouty'pout! ansabeee :p

I wish I had a place where I can crash to whenever I’m sad.

I just want a fantasy place where i can crash in whenever i'm down. A place far away from where i am now. A place where i can escape from reality. Only few people i want can come in and a place where i can call a ''Home''. Somehow I can relax and think about the good memories that have happened. Reflect on things I think I’ve done wrong. Reminiscing about the past. And remembering the sad things happened to me and realizing i've already moved on from it. I want a place where i can just sit and not caring about the real word and just the thought of having my own world.

till my heart aches end

 I know i' ve been posting random drama thingy lately,cause i know it's the only way i can lessen my bitterness. And i' m still hoping that one day, I'll read my blogs about him without the feeling of any bitterness and sadness anymore. hopefully! :D

Why I hate moving on

Because I’d delete everything that makes me remember him & even delete him as a FRIEND,


throw away things he gave me or keep it somewhere far,


then I’d deactivate my account so I don’t see news about him from his friends,

flirt with guys and look insanely hot as humanly possible,


then at night I’d cry in my room.. because I just wanted to show everyone that I’m okay even though I can’t still accept the truth that he left me, and that I’m still loving him so much. :( Fuck you, why can’t things be the same as it were before?

I know I won’t be able to get you back. I’m sad as fvck, but I promise you, I’m gonna be OKAY.

• pagod na ‘ko sa kakaemote
• pagod na ‘ko sa kakaiyak
• pagod na ‘ko sa pagiging apektado
• pagod na ‘kong masaktan
• pagod na ‘kong tiisin lahat ng sakit
• pagod na ‘kong magpanggap na masaya
• pagod na ‘ko ng kakahintay
• pagod na ‘kong umasa

maybe i'm not just tired. I'm sad. I'm sad of the fact that he don't care anymore. And accepting the reality that i am the only one who is affected by what happened between us. Everyday i'm fighting the urge to talk and text him,cause i can feel that i'm just disturbing him. And i hate the feeling when i constantly check my phone and hoping he have any message from me, but unfortunately,nothing. :((   People around me don't noticed any sadness from me. I can randomly smile and laugh. But seriously, it feels like i'm dying inside. Especially when seeing him everyday, and it's not the same anymore like we we're before.

I remember what happened yesterday, we're on a classroom waiting for the next class. And there are boys behind us playing heartbreaking songs on their phones. And then there's one song played that i can really relate, it seems like my heart has been ripped out. And one of my friend noticed my eyes turned teary, then suddenly i just burst out into tears. I really don't know why. But it feels like something inside me is aching. It made me really look pathetic. He don't have any idea how much it really hurts. I just realized that i should really moved on from everything, i think he don't deserve any tears from me. I don't know why i'm still hurting like this when i know that i'm the one who all started this. :| 

But i can say that i found the good in goodbye. God knows he’s not for me that’s why he left. I'm still hoping that time will come, i'm gonna be okay. and everything will be okay. :)

pumps, beybi!

just bought this black and white animal printed pumps awhile ago. i was looking for any animal printed shoe for along time but unfortunately no sizes available for me, so i have to ordered a smaller size pa. and after a long wait..yes. atlast! ;) and by the way..than kyou to my super girlfriend who accompany me to buy this. love her tons. :)

Tuesday..

when barbs and i bump with these another two awesome girls. aya and yves. me loves them. ♥  (please don't mind my crappy face here.)Q__Q

when yves asked us to eat. just somewhere near the school. i never thought na may kainan pla don.though it looks cheap.LOL

but the palabok is really masarap. yum!

while waiting for the next class

the awesome cedrick. he's really great in skirting. envy much! :|

SKIRTING

with groupmates and catering instructors.

One day far away from here. LOL

the view at the backside of my cousin's place. We went there cause of my lola's wake. btw. it's in indang. sa bulubundukin ng Indang. LOLLL.  I know you guys are not familiar with the place. It's very malayo from the city. Only few houses have internet connections. And just to mention.. no wi-fi area. OM! can't live here. Q__Q

ohw! look at that lame chicken. i dunno why i took a photo of it. i'm just maybe bored. nevermind! :p

cam-whoring again with her. alyssa( the bitch cousin of mine.)

my ''pa-cute'' pose. LOLLL